Regular readers of t’blog may have noticed that Mama has a somewhat irreverent attitude to the Russian delight in having the BIGGEST OF EVERYTHING.
She doesn’t understand the pressure to keep up the standard set by being the biggest country in the world, is what I say. Or, if I were feeling particularly sharp, I might point out that her amusement is the smugness of a collective psyche which has a somewhat sorrynotsorry attitude to the fact that its (former) superpower status. We don’t need no biggest Hamley’s, most extensive ice skating rink, heaviest clock mechanisms, most well stocked aquariums, list, list, list, list, or the European Union because we once RULED THE WORLD, BABY.
But she’d probably get a bit defensive, so we’ll brush right past that.
Whatever the psychosis behind what Mama describes as the need to get its metaphorical penis out and make comparisons, clearly when Moscow realised that monolithic Soviet buildings notwithstanding, there was a distinct lack of really tall glass office blocks which could be entered into some kind of record book, something had to be done. And thus Moscow acquired its very own City-with-a-capital-C.
And it’s absolutely obligatory for anyone Instagramming Moscow to have in their feed.
So when a visiting relative from St Petersburg brought the possibility of venturing up one of the towers and having a squint at Moscow from far far above, Mama decided this would be the perfect outing for us and the collection of Babushkas to go on. Well, it was the holidays, we were miraculously between illnesses and at the time it was flirting with sub minus 20 degrees C temperatures. An attraction which combined a shortish outdoor walk and a longer rest in well heated surroundings was exactly what was wanted.
It helps that Moscow City finally has its own stop on the central circle line, making it more convenient to get to. A lovely green tinted station too, as the plastic roof design aesthetic serves to entice people off the train by making the skyscrapers look even more photogenic than usual. Or, possibly, just harder to get a clear shot of from inside the carriages.
It’s also hard to get a clear shot of the buildings when you are in amongst them, Mama soon found out. This is, of course, partly because they are very tall and Mama’s camera lens is only so big, but mostly because I had developed a bit of a taste for parkour after being an invalid for the best part of a month, and there are a lot of shiny marble steps to jump on and off, pillars to dance behind, bollards to swing from and ramps to run up and down, and the recent snowfall just added to the frolicking fun. Mama found this distracting.
But in any case, the City is not a particularly interesting place to wander around on the ground at the moment. Mainly because it is very much still a work in progress. Quite a few pathways were therefore closed off with construction work still going on, somewhat to Mama’s surprise given the buildings have been dominating the skyline for a while now. It seems that one thing (global economic collapse) and another (sanctions), and other minor details such as a lack of good transport links has put Moscow City’s dream of rivalling the great business centres of the world on hold. Currently, it is about half built and operating at less than full occupancy. World financial domination will have to wait.
The shopping mall is open though, and it’s a rather nice one because Moscow City was not just conceived of as a business district but a one stop shop for high-end money-making, living, and playing. In the absence of bucketloads of high rollers, however, the fact that the place is still very tall and fancy means that tourist attractions have moved in, and they are not impossibly expensive. This winter, Moscow’s highest ice skating rink opened on the 85th floor of the OKO tower. And someone has opened a budget hostel somewhere high up in what should have been premium office space and a boardroom with a view. 1500 roubles a night for the 43rd floor in the Imperia building. Go for it, Mama says. Although not with kids. Kids are not allowed. Spoilsports.
Mama also suspects that it is a similar sort of collective who have also rented the 54th floor of the Imperia building for the Smotricity project, which is where you can go and squint down at Moscow and across at the surrounding businesses. Timed tours, so once you find the booth selling tickets, you may have a bit of a wait in the lobby for your slot. It’s a very pleasant sort of lobby though, with toilets and a coffee shop within easy reach.
When you finally get into a lift, your ears will pop as you ascend in what Mama thinks is an alarmingly brisk manner to not quite the top of the building. There is probably some statistic proving that this is the fastest lift in the northern hemisphere or something, but Mama was too busy yawning and waggling her head around to pay attention.
But what, you may be thinking, is Moscow City’s claim to bestness?
The most orange building?
Well, the thing is that Mama took advantage of being a variable Russian speaker to totally blow off the guided tour of the windows which gathered up us kids, the visitors from St Petersburg and most of the other tourists in favour of wandering about unburdened by needing to stop me flinging myself under a car or trying to remember she is British when queuing for a shot at photographing the available vistas. She took all the snaps her little heart could desire in largely solitary splendour, but she didn’t pay attention to what made Moscow City particularly fabulous and full of awesome.
Except the amazing view, of course.
It was a shame that, being the depths of winter and not a particularly clear day, the hope of seeing right across Moscow was somewhat ambitious.
But then if you are 54 floors up, what’s actually interesting is just… how… high that is. And for that you don’t need to look out, but down down down down dooooooowwwwwwwwwwn to the tiny ant people and cars and buildings below.
Mama did a lot of happy boggling, and then it was time to take photos of us in front of the windows from every conceivable angle. And while she was doing this, she discovered the real reason that Russians try to outdo the universe.
It’s the drive to impress elderly Soviet ladies.
Because there was a distinct vibe of well, it’s alright but it’s no putting the first woman into space, is it? And how much did the tickets cost again?
Which may be why on the way home they insisted on having a fight with the train ticket sellers about whether or not people who went through the blockade in St Petersburg are entitled to free travel on the Central Circle Line. No, was the initial position of the Central Circle Line. We left before the argument really hotted up though so I am unclear as to what the final outcome was. But having a good shout did mean everyone arrived home happy, so that’s alright.
And OK, look, Mama has availed herself of Google and discovered…
Moscow City contains not JUST Europe’s tallest building, but ALSO the second tallest, AND the third tallest, the fifth tallest and the seventh tallest.
And that ice skating rink? Is the highest EVAH!!! And!!!!! No hostel is as many floors up in the air as the High Level Hostel!!!
So there. World’s most expensive follies. We have ‘em.
Although Mama would not put bets against Moscow City in the long run. Well, just look at it. Preeeeetttty!
The website for Smotricity, the high rise tours (in Russian). The tours run from 6pm to 11pm weekdays and from 11am to 11pm weekends and holidays. It’s 700 roubles for adults and 400 for kids, and at weekends there’s a discount if you get there before 2pm, when it’s only 500 roubles for adults.
The website for the High Level Hostel (in English). Beds are from 1500 roubles a night per person to 3800.
This is what the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has to say about Norman Foster, the architect behind the cancelled Russia Tower project for the City, which would have been the tallest skyscraper IN THE WORLD. It’s now a car park.
Address: Presnenskaya Naberezhnaya, Moscow, 123317
By public transport: Delovoy Tsentr (connected to the dary blue line) and Vistavochnaya (light blue line – probably open any time now) and there is also the Delovoy Tsentr on the Central Circle Line.
By car: Apparently the construction traffic has been playing merry hell with the surrounding roads. But then there is what may well be the world’s largest, or certainly the most expensive car park (see above) so…
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